Career Success Memo: 5 Tips - The Art and Skill of Saying "No" Effectively

I recently re-read the book, "The Power of a Positive No," written by William Ury.  His book offers great advice and tips for how to say "No" with grace and effect.

In his book, William offers the following specific phrases you can use to say NO to the demands of others in a manner that is respectful and that flows naturally and sincerely:

• A simple "No" or "No Thanks." Directness has its place, but it can also be expressed gracefully.  Adding the work "thanks" to your "No" shows respect and care for the relationship.

• A statement that "I Have a Policy." Examples include, "I have a policy to never lend money to friends or family members." ....or "I have a policy to never make significant purchases without first speaking to my wife (or husband, or partner)."

• "I Have Plans." (or "I Have Another Commitment"). A great concrete everyday phrase that can affirm your interests as well as you power without spoiling your relationship is "I already have plans," or "I have another event I've committed to that evening." 

• "Not Now."  Maybe another time.  Softens the blow of a "No" and leaves the door open to a future request.  "Not Now" should only be used in those cases where there does exist a real possibility for addressing the others' needs in the future.

• "I Prefer to Decline Rather Than Do a Poor Job."  When you decline rather than do a poor job, you are not only affirming your own interests but also paying attention to the relationship.  You would BOTH be worse off -- and so would your relationship -- if you say "Yes" and then a job that turns out to be much less than satisfactory.